Body shame and dieting after pregnancy
Congratulations! You just became a mom. This is exciting in so many ways, but it is also scary and overwhelming on so many different levels. There are so much you don’t know, so many questions you never thought about asking. And on top of it all, there is a pressure - internal and external - to look a certain way.
It doesn’t happen right away. When you first bring your baby home, everyone’s attention is on your new bundle of joy. How big he is, how healthy she looks, how the labor went, and so on. But as the days go by and the excitement of the new baby wind down, the pressure on the new mom starts to pile up. Sometimes it is direct and other times is subtle, but you feel it in almost every interaction with family, friends, and acquaintances.
People will stop you and congratulate you on your weight loss after birth as if that was something you should be proud of, or even concerned about. Or they will let you know, without been asked, that the baby weight will eventually come out. Sure, because this should be your priority right now.
New moms suffer a lot of pressure to not put weight during pregnancy, but it gets even worst after the baby is born. It is like a race, with no winners, chasing what we were before. And this is very harmful to anyone’s sanity, especially new moms’.
The postpartum hormonal rollercoaster
If you are a mom or are living with a new mom right after birth, you know what I am referring to. After the baby is born the pregnancy hormones subside, giving place to hormones like oxytocin and prolactin - responsible for mood and milk production respectively. This transition does not happen right away and while it is taking place, it really messes with the moms’ mood. On top of all the new tasks and expectations of the new role a as mother - which can be enough to cause stress and anxiety - hormonal transitions make us more sensitive and emotional. That can cause us to feel lonely and desperate at times. There is a feeling of not belonging, as if the life we have right now is not the life we traced for ourselves. And this can be reflected in how we see ourselves when we look at the mirror. We can be very judgemental of ourselves and how we look. Reason tells us that this is ‘bs’ and that we should not focus on that. Time will heal our bodies. But truth is, we want to know the end of it because we probably won’t be the same after all of this, and the unknown is hard to manage. And so we start controlling what we eat, when we eat, and how much we eat. We know we should not, but this gives us a sense of control when everything else is chaos.
This pressure or desire to lose weight, to control at least this aspect of our lives can sound an alarm for something far more concerning than how we look. In this chase for the perfect postpartum body may the beginning of eating disorders.
Signs of eating disorders in new moms
There are some signs I would recommend paying close attention to as they can signal disorders and erratic behavior around food.
restrictive eating
cutting out entire food groups
limiting or counting calories
chronic dieting
chewing and spitting out food
binge eating
chronically eating to a point of sickness
self-induced vomiting after meals
overexercising after eating
If you notice any of this happening to you or anyone around you, look for help. Open up with a friend, family member, or your healthcare provider. Sometimes simply talking about the issue is what you need so you don’t feel so alone and ashamed. Taking to other mothers can be extremely helpful as well, as it helps us see that others a going through something similar and we are not alone in this.
Eating disorders after pregnancy is more common than we imagine. It can be a result of a preexisting issue, or it can come wrapped on the postpartum depression blanket. Many women suffered from diagnostic issues prior to pregnancy and are able to control their conditions while pregnant in an effort to preserve the baby’s health. However, as soon as the baby is born their conditions can return, and they can hit even harder.
Anyone close to women on the postpartum period should be kind to them and be careful about how they approach body and diet topics after the baby is born. Comments on how fat or skinny a woman is will do nothing but trigger unhealthy thoughts around food. It is best to offer to help cooking a great, healthful meal instead of telling someone how much or how little she is eating. This type of comments can come as judgmental and make women feel ashamed or pressured around other people during mealtimes. Take the new mom out for dinner and treat the food topic naturally, without making a big deal of it. One can never know which comments can trigger traumas and anxiety about the body and food.
Remember that even the most well-intentioned comments about a new mother’s body are never acceptable. Weight shaming, especially by family, friends and even healthcare providers, can be extremely triggering for women who may be already susceptible to developing eating disorders.
Dieting and breastfeeding
Another reason to help new mothers dealing with body and diet after giving birth is that they need extra energy to breastfeed. Breastfeed is consuming both mentally and physically. When milk production starts, hormones will make us moody and the pressure to succeed in feeding your child is overwhelming, leaving many mothers on the verge of despair - I remember myself crying because I thought my baby wasn’t getting enough milk and it was my fault he wasn’t thriving. I was wrong, the baby was gaining weight and my milk supply was normal, but the thought of failing my baby was too much to bear. Most new moms will go through similar situations, and that is our body and mind trying to make us focus on the most important task: keep the baby alive and well. This is a new mother’s priority, so can you imagine how tiring it can be for her to also have to worry about how her body looks and how many calories a day she is getting?
This pressure to lose the baby weight, and to eat a certain way, can trigger dieting behaviors and restrictive eating in new mothers. This is exactly what should be avoided. New mothers should be eating whenever they feel hungry - that includes snacks in odd hours, be it right after lunch or in the middle of the night. That is because, if she is breastfeeding, she is still sharing nutrients with her infant, and by restricting calories, she is depleting herself of those nutrients. The body will take what it needs to make milk and feed the baby, and if the mother’s stores are low, she is the one suffering from sub-nutrition. With time this can lead to serious health problems for the mother and also could slow down or stop milk production, putting both mother and baby at risk.
While breastfeeding, a mother should increase her caloric intake by 500 kcal/day from her pre-pregnancy intake. This should be a guideline more than anything else. A breastfeeding mother should not restrict her intake by aiming a certain caloric number per day. As I mentioned before, restrictive eating can lead to erratic behaviors, anxiety, and eating disorders. This is why I believe in a less restrictive approach and recommend intuitive eating to all of my clients, especially breastfeeding moms. Intuitive eating teaches mothers to listen to their bodies and eat whenever they feel hungry or if they are thinking of food constantly. By doing so, they are free to simply eat without worrying about the number of calories they are taking and without the shame of eating outside mealtimes.
Breastfeeding is so consuming that many mothers will actually lose a lot of weight after giving birth. Although this could be a good thing if weight loss is needed, nursing should not be seen as a tool to lose weight after pregnancy. A lot of new mothers battling with their weight may find that restricting calories and continuously nurse will help to shed the extra pounds. They may also avoid weaning their babies because they are too afraid that by doing so the lost weight will come back. It is important for them to feel supported on their decision of nursing and, if breastfeeding isn’t an option anymore, she should not feel ashamed for not being able to nurse. A good nutrition plan tailored specifically for her situation can build confidence that she will be transitioning from nursing in a healthful way. It is always good to have a great support group around a new mom, that will help her with her decision of weaning her baby and cope with the body changes that may happen after she stops breastfeeding.
Conclusion
We live in a weight-centric society, and it’s not uncommon to hear comments about weight and body changes through pregnancy and postpartum. These may come from health professionals, family members, or friends. Regardless of how good intentions are, commenting on how much a new mother should eat or weight can be very detrimental to her already fragile mental state.
Instead of pointing out her weight or body shape, it is best to focus on how delicious the food she made is, how nice it is to eat or cook together. Make mealtime a fun, shame-free ritual. Help by having healthy snacks available in the fridge or pantry and suggesting nutritious meal ideas that you know she will like. And don’t act forceful, it is very unpleasant and stressful to feel like people around you are monitoring everything you eat (or don’t eat).
Lastly, if you feel like a new mother is showing signs of eating disorders look for professional help. She may be going through more than you can see. Most importantly, be kind and approach the situation with care and love.
If you are going to anything similar to any of this and need help establishing tunning up with your nutrition after pregnancy, let’s chat. I will love to hear what you are going through and to share my experience with you.